i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
