Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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