So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
