I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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