i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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