well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
