Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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