Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
