I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
