I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
