so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
