Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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