I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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