i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
