U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
