Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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