So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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