I need help removing her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
