i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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