I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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