What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Found the puke drawer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
