Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
