For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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