I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
