he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
