I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
