in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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