My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We are two peas in an std pod
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
