shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
