think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
