there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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