toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
