just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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