Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
