You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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