We won't sleep together?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
