I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
