I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
