Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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