I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
