mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
