also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
