Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
