They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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