I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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