i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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