Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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