Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
