We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
