Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
