Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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