The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
