after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
