My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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