My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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