Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
