found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
