Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
