Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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