I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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