shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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