grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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