THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pooping to opera.
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