how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
