The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
