I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
