you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
