It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
