So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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