Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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