I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
