The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
